Tell me it's true!

Please tell me I’m not the only one who:

Drives faster toward jaywalkers. Especially teenage ones with their waistband around their knees.

Eats an entire package of *Chips Ahoy chewy cookies in one sitting.
*May be substituted with Oreo if milk is available.

Only shaves up to her knees.

Makes their significant other tell them “You were right” ALL THE TIME!

Looks in their rear-view mirror every time they hear siren sound effects on the radio.

Takes a nap under their desk during lunch.

Procrastinates clipping their toenails until they get disgustingly long.
But,
Obsessive compulsively cleans their ears with a Q-tip daily. (sometimes twice a day)

Kills every house plant that isn’t plastic.

Can’t delegate.

Wakes up late and applies the shower gel directly to their hands instead to bothering with the luffa.

Counts down the minutes until the end of the workday.

Thinks Miley Cyrus talks like she just got a retainer in her mouth.

Gives their husband a budget they themselves don’t live by.

Doesn’t own a brush or comb.

Thinks “The Hills” is scripted. (and dumb, and doesn’t watch – I swear I’ve only seen like 5 mins and got bored)

Hasn’t gone grocery shopping in 3 weeks.

Has driven the wrong way on a one way street heading straight into oncoming traffic.

I’m normal right?

You all do this too right?

This could describe you too right?

Please?