It's in my stars.

This is what my horoscope says for today.

You may be required to play a parental role today, whether or not you have any children. Taking care of business at home or following through on a promise to a family member can distract you from responsibilities at work.

I wonder if my child (aka husband) read this before he decided to call me 15 times in an hour.

I'm not even kidding. I'll show you my call records when I get my statement.

COME ON! I'm trying to work here! And by work, I mean, get caught up on everyone's blog!

He called just to give me a play by play of what he was doing.

Oh, and to have me listen to Celine Dion on the radio.

Do you think I could block his number?

Am I the only one who rolls her eyes and hits ignore when her husband calls?

Gosh I am, aren't I?

Stop looking at me like that.

PS. I've decided on the turtle names. Thanks to all for giving me ideas.
I'm going with the last entry by Tiff for Shrek and Fionna. (Since they're both green and all!)
Great ideas people, I knew you would pull through for me!

What's in a name?

I was thinking about getting a dog. Nothing huge.

Maybe something like this little guy.

Awwww, how cute!

I just wanted something low maintenance who will snuggle with me, but I don't have to worry about taking for walks, feeding it, or finding someone to take care of it if I go away for the weekend.

I know what you're thinking.

Get a stuffed animal!

Well I was discussing it with my honey (who is really not interested in having a dog) and we

didn't really decide on anything. And when I say I was discussing it, I mean I was making a pouty face and insisting.

He had a different idea.

He decided to appease my desire to have a pet in a different way.

The other day he came home with these.

(sorry the picture is so blurry, my camera couldn't decide what to focus on)

In case you can't tell, they are 2 small turtles.

They're about the size of a quarter. Not exactly snuggling material.

I actually really love turtles, so it was a sweet gesture on his part.


My only problem is figuring out what to name them.

You see, I already own a turtle. Well actually I just have visitation rights. He lives with my nephew, but he's still mine.

He has the best turtle name ever!

His name is Asparagus, but that's such a fuss to pronounce that we usually call him Gus Gus.

(10 points to the person who knows where I got that from.)

Gus is on the left. (above the goldfish)

My nephew's turtle Spike is on the right.

See my dilemma?

Gus and Spike are excellent turtle names.

How can I live up to that?

A friend suggested Sunny and Cher. I was thinking Cabbage and Broccoli (to keep with my vegetable theme)

Any ideas?

Leave me a comment with your best idea for two turtle's names and I'll pick from my comments.

Do you realize what a privilege this is?

These guys live around 30 years and YOU would be able to say you named them.

I'd even let you come visit.

You could add, "Turtle Namer" to your resume, and I'd be your best reference.

Go on, give it your best shot.

(Please someone put some good names out there!)

Oh No She Di-int

He was brilliant.

This was hilarious.

These are two of the most beautiful that attended last night...

Often forgotten about because of these two.

Indian children in tuxedos should always receive an invitation.

But since when did they start inviting "tween" stars.

Seeing as how the night was ruined once she said...


"I feel like a young Audrey Hepburn,"

Seriously chica? You're way out of your league.

Airbags and seatbelts aren't the only protection

I saw this nice car yesterday.



Normally I don't find myself reaching for my camera every time I see a nice car.

This was was different though.

I looked closer and saw this.

Plastic covering the driver's seat and the back seat.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like to keep my things nice as much as the next guy. In fact I just ordered these for my couches.

But covering your car seats? Come on! Do you really expect those to remain clean?

Did you notice the child's seat in the back? Do you really think that you'll be able to keep that car clean with a kid in it? They didn't even cover the passenger side. There goes the back of that chair as the kid kicks the life out of it with dirty shoes.

And lets not forget about projectile vomit. That seat is toast!

I can only assume they covered the driver's seat because they've gone "green" and did away with washing their clothes. There's such freedom in knowing that you'll always smell so you don't need to try to hide it and you can just let yourself go. (Yes, I'm speaking from experience)

I can just imagine the conversation that took place.

Hubby: "Honey"
Wifey: "Yes dear?"
Hubby: "I think I'm going to get a new car."
Wifey: "Well alright, as long as you cover your seat in plastic. You know how I hate wasting the earth's natural resources to wash your clothes."
Hubby:"Alright"
Wifey: "Oh, and don't forget to also cover the back seat since that's where Cindy Lou sits. You know how filthy and disgusting she can be, bless her heart."
Hubby: "Ok, I'll get a bigger piece of plastic." mumbles to himself "oh sure NOW she wants me to use protection..."


I'm hoping I'll run into this car again sometime in July - after the plastic has melted into the upholstery and the driver has bits of it stuck to the back of his legs.

I rock my world!

I pinkie swear promise I'm not going to turn this blog into a coupon clipping blog or one that constantly talks about sales, deals, and giveaways.


I just need to get this out there.


I did amazing this week at CVS. (HUGE SMILE!)


There, I said it.


If you're bored already, feel free to stop reading as I talk about my killer deals.





For those of you who don't have CVS, I really feel sorry for you. (Ashley, Mary & T)


I'll take a moment of silence for you poor souls.

Ok, back to me.


Check out my loot!



Guess how much I spent?
I know what you're thinking... maybe the Cokes were on sale 2/$5... maybe the toothpaste was buy one get one free... She probably had a coupon for the razor...

The suspense is killing you right?

Could you just humor me a second and pretend to be interested in ME and MY things and MY life?

What's that? Oh, you'd like to know how much I spent?

Well... if you insist.

My grand total was $9.00

(my total savings was $63.76)

Cha-Ching! And the best part is, I walked out with $6.00 in extra bucks, which work just like a gift card. So I actually only spent $3.00.

Thanks for reading this far. I'll try to refrain from constantly talking about how awesome, and talented I am... And how most likely I'll end up being a motivational speaker for saving money. I plan on touring the globe (or at least places that have CVS) pumping up the citizens and bringing world peace one small town at a time.

I'd like to thank my sister who went with me to CVS and also found some great deals. I'd like to thank CVS for having an extra bucks program. And most of all, I'd like to thank my husband who not only humors me by being exited about the items I'm buying, but he encourages me and gets excited too.
(That's just the rough draft of my Nobel Peace Prize speech.)

Ok, you can applaud now.

I LOVE my calling! (That was sarcastic)

I've always been a fan of the big V-Day. Just another excuse for me to binge on extreme amounts of chocolate. What's not to love?

This year, I spent more time making it special for the Young Women who's minds I try to control, and my honey got a little less of my time. He wasn't totally forgotten. I gave him a movie. It was either that, or socks. Gosh how did the guy get so lucky?

For the Young Women I went all out. I prepared 4 different Valentine's crafts and got everything set up on 4 different tables in the gym ahead of time. I even stayed up until midnight the night before making these babies.

Martha Stewart's Ice Cream Sandwich cookies with strawberry ice cream. I bet you wish I had been your Young Women's President!

The girls (all 6 that actually showed up when I had prepared for 15) had a blast putting together all the LOVE-ly crafts (get it?) and the Young Men got so mad a me for not letting them play basketball in the gym, they all went outside and vandalized the church building.

Nice huh? Yep, these are our future missionaries. Just makes me all tingly inside.

In other Young Women news. I've had to re-do the big theme that hangs in our room since our old one was way ghetto they added the value "Virtue".

Here's the lovely wall hanging I inherited when I became president.

You can't actually tell, but there are some areas where they obviously messed up the stencil and used white out to cover it up. WHITE OUT on a cream colored canvas. Real classy.

This is our new one.

I had someone hand embroider the middle section and then each girl was given a square to decorate.

They all pretty much just put their names. You simply can't stop narcissism from happening.

In summary, I'm proud of these three things I did this Valentines "season". (All the other holidays get a season...)

1. I made the best cookies ever and only got slightly upset with my husband when he ate one making it an odd number of cookies and thus, one less ice cream sandwich.

2. I ticked off the young men so much I drove them to damage church property.

3. I replaced the hideous theme wall hanging with something slightly less hideous, but equally as tacky.

I'm ready to be released now please.

It's like kissing a stranger

Have you ever taken a big drink out of a water bottle and then realized that it wasn't yours and you actually have no clue how it ended up on your desk?

That didn't happen to me or anything... I was just wondering.

Just out of curiosity though, did you also consider just continuing to drink from that water bottle seeing as you already had and everything and it tastes a lot better than the filtered water you get from the fountain?

Not that I would ever think that...

Um, excuse me a second while I go gargle some mouthwash.

Beans, and well... unmentionables

I love chips and salsa.


I love chips, salsa, and re fried beans.


I love restaurants that serve these items before the meal starts in order to whet the pallet.


I probably love all this too much.


Yesterday, as I was out to lunch with (ahem) my boss, the VP of Finance, and the director of finance - I made a few critical mistakes as it relates to eating chips and salsa.


Well, actually the beans.


Mistake #1 - I went to the bathroom before we sat down. Most might say that you should go before, so you can wash your hands before eating. No, this was my first mistake. (You'll find out why this was a mistake in a second. )


Mistake #2 - I sat against the wall with no easy access to get up.


Mistake #3 - I got greedy with the chips and beans.


Mistake #4 - THE BIG WHAMMY... As I was shoveling a loaded up chip into my hungry mouth, the entire load fell off my chip. I'm happy to report that the actual chip did make it into my mouth. Score!



I quickly glanced down at my white shirt fearing for the worst and breathed a sigh of relief when I did not see a giant blob of beans splattered all over my front.


So I glanced lower at the napkin I had already (almost 6th sense like) placed on my lap.


Not there either.

Where the heck did it go?

I tried inconspicously to wipe my chin in the off chance that it had landed there.

Nada.

I suddenly get a oozy, wet sensation and glance down into my clea**** (in order to keep this blog PG rated and because my mom reads this, I'll just say it rhymes with bleavage)

Yep, sure enough. I got a nice glob of beans slowly making their way down the mountains.

I looked up and noticed the VP of finance, who is somewhat of a jerk anyway (the better word is found in the Bible and is another name for a donkey), looking at me with an expression I just can't read.

I have no clue if he's noticed the glob that is coming very close to staining my white shirt from the inside.

I couldn't go to the bathroom because I already went.

I couldn't turn and casually try to tie my slip on shoes or reach for something on the floor because I was against the wall.

So I grabbed my menu and held it at an awkward angle in front of my shirt as if I was trying to read it through some sort of sneeky osmosis in the bra.

Yeah, that didn't really work.

Still, Mr. VP is looking at me funny and I'm beyond caring now. I just casually angle the menu under my chin and reach my hand down to scoop it all out.

Uh-huh, nice and elegant like.

I'm sure I impressed.

Walmart Quiz

QUIZ

1. Have you ever been to Walmart?

• YES
• NO

*If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.

2. Have you ever glared at the back of the head of the person in front of you in the "20 items or less" line?

• YES
• NO
  *If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.
  

3. Have you ever thought that actually 20 items is a lot and they should perhaps modify it to say "7 items or less"?

• YES
• NO

*If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.

4. Have you ever jumped lines at Walmart because the person in front of you in the "20 items or less" line has exactly 43 items?

• YES
• NO
  *If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.
  

5. Have you ever jumped lines into the self-serve checkout lines so now instead of a trained employee scanning the merchandise; you're not only expected to scan and bag your own items, but all others in that line are also expected to scan their own merchandise and not all people are as scanner savvy as you?

• YES
• NO

*If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.

6. Have you ever jumped lines again because the couple buying a lot of dog food can't seem to lift the bags onto the self-check scanner and need to wait for assistance?

• YES
• NO
  *If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.
  

7. Have you ever witnessed two customers engage in a fist fight only one isle over from the new isle you just line jumped to?

• YES
• NO
  *If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.
  

8. Have you had to pick up the gum stand two dueling customers knocked over right next to you?

• YES
• NO
  *If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.
  

9. Have you ever see security escort someone out of Walmart?

• YES
• NO
  *If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.

10. Have you ever asked for cash back at the self-checkout and then become so distracted by the men being escorted out by security you forgot to take the cash that was dispensed below the scanner?

• YES
• NO
  *If you answered NO to the question above, go directly to comments.

If you've made it to the end of this with all "Yes" answers... ME TOO!

Congratulations! I'm starting a support group for people with traumatic experiences at Walmart.

Roadtrips Rock (literally)

My honey and I made the ridiculous drive to Utah this weekend. Actually, I wouldn't call it a weekend since we drove there and back in one 24 hour period. It was exhausting.

I say it is ridiculous because it's approximately 5 1/2 hours - depending on if I'm driving or he is.

My general rule of thumb is to fly if any trip is going to be more than 3 hours. That has changed slightly since I got married and I'd have to sell a lot of plasma to afford 2 airline tickets.



So we drove.



We went to see the Draper Temple open house. It was a lovely temple, but I wasn't able to capture any of that on film (digital pixels) since they herd you in and out through these closed tunnels.



They don't say that picture taking on the grounds is off limits - they just confuse you into forgetting that you even brought a camera.



So no pictures.



I was really sad because I didn't know how I could blog about this event with no evidence that I had even made the trip.



Then a really nice Semi driver gave me a perfect memory for which I will forever be grateful.



Here's the proof of my road trip.



A ginormous rock chip right in the middle of my windshield.



Hooray!

Thanks guy.

(I'll probably have to sell more plasma to get that fixed than I would've if I had just bought flights.)

Duly Noted

Note to Self:

Dear Self,



If you would like to look like this


instead of this



(my girlfriends and I lounging around by the pool)


you really need to stop eating entire batches of this




Much love,


Your thunder thighs

My 2 Cents...well maybe just 1 1/2...

Since I've started this blog I've tried to focus mostly on me.


Sure I've had the occasional post highlighting another member of my family or some world event, but overall, I write about what I think, and life as it happens to me.


It's really because I find myself more interesting than other people.

See, I'm not even ashamed to admit that.


(excuse me while I pat myself on the back)



HOWEVER...

Today I feel the need to discuss an injustice that has happened recently in the media regarding a certain celebrity. We'll just call her Sessica Jimpson.




I'm appalled at the media. They should be ashamed.




How dare they focus on something so insignificant as her weight?




I couldn't care less that she went from this




to this



Since I tend to be of the "Extra Chunky" variety anyway, I think she looks fine. (Her figure that is) Everyone is focusing on the wrong thing.


DIDN'T THEY SEE WHAT SHE WAS WEARING?


MOM PANTS!!!!

And it's not even her first offense.



Heidi Klum would look fat full figured in those.


Come on people. Could we focus a little on her sense of style?


Those jeans combined with the hideous belt(s) hurt my eyes.

Let's get back to what's really important in life.

Like saving dolphins and protecting the innocent from bad fashion.

Planning for Parenthood

I was perusing my local dollar store and stumbled upon this right there in the checkout line.





COME ON! Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds that hilarious!



Let me help you out on this one. On the left we have an easy to use, 99% accurate pregnancy test. Convieniantly located to it's right we have some lubricated latex condoms.


I guess if you're buying dollar store quality condoms, you'll probably need that pregnancy test.

Strategic placement, or painful irony?

Thoughts on prayer

Crash Test Dummies wrote about how her young son was publicly scorned at church after praying that the Steelers would win the Superbowl. (He wasn't the only one with that prayer yesterday)
Oh the injustice! He's a child for crying out loud!
What's wrong with praying for what you want most?
Isn't that what you're supposed to do?

Her post has caused me to think about some prayers I've heard (and said) and I've come to the conclusion that prayers are off limits when it comes to judging.

I've prayed multiple times (both in private and in public) that the food I'm about to eat won't make me fat.

I find that prayer particularly helpful before a big meal with lots of desserts.

I remember a family we were teaching on my mission and the primary aged girl prayed that her dad would have money so they could go to the 99 cent store.

Oh how the innocent have the best way of wording things.

A nice lady prayed before a meal with a group of young singles that we would all be able to get married in the temple and procreate. (she actually used that word)

I usually just give thanks for the food, but she taught me that anything can be prayed for at any time.

Like I said, I don't judge prayers.

Testimonies on the other hand... judge away.

I won't go into details about the 20 min testimony I heard yesterday about how there was a young man robbing this lady's house and the only thing she could do was put him in a choke hold (?!?!!) and while she was doing that a voice came to her and reminded her that he was a child of God and needed to be spared. (sniff, sniff, sob) and we all are precious and valuable to our Heavenly Father. And even when the police came and asked her why she hadn't killed him (uh, I'm pretty sure they don't ask that) she just taught the policeman about love for her neighbor...etc.

Ok, I've given way too many details already. For a full version of the testimony, or a written transcript, please send $5 to Crash and leave a comment to this post.

Crash, feel free to use the money to buy a nice Steelers shirt for your son or use it on revenge against the unsuspecting Primary Sharing Time leader.