THINKING

On Saturday, Alber's 15 year old brother Limhi was walking down a street in Guatemala with his brother and a friend when a car pulled over next to them and the people inside it decided to take his life. That's not really a decision that any person should be allowed to make, but they made it nonetheless and now Alber's family is suffering the consequenses of that senseless act. One day those horrible people will also suffer the consequenses of their actions, but probably not in this life. I generally try to keep my blog upbeat and humorous, but this event has provoked a lot of THINKING and I wanted to write down a few of my thoughts.


THINKING about the fact that my mother-in-law has now had to bury 6 of her 13 children. Does it matter that the other 5 died as infants? Does it make it harder when you get to spend 15 years getting to know your child, or is the pain the same?

THINKING about the saying "at least he didn't suffer" Is that really better? Is it really preferable to lose someone suddenly in a random act of violence than to have time to prepare for their passing. When I think of "suffering" I think of people with Cancer or other illnesses who are in the hospital and the family is gathered around and know the end is near. At least in a hospital bed, the patient is given plenty of medication to make them comfortable.

THINKING, does it even matter how people die? The end result is the same isn't it? Why then are some people killed suddenly in a car accident and some people are gunned down as they walk home?

THINKING do all those things people tell you to feel better like "It was his time, he had already finished his mission here on earth and the Lord called him home", do all these sayings really help the person mourning or are they used to comfort the person saying them.

THINKING about what I did on Saturday and how pointless it was that I worried about cleaning my house and getting all my laundry done when in another part of the world, my brother-in-law was getting killed.

THINKING about this country and the blessing it is to live in a place where I don't fear for my life as I leave the house and I'm not afraid of the police or justice system and that they are in some way corrupt and justice will not be served.

THINKING about immigrants that come to this country for a better life. When we think about immigrants coming to this country to find a better life, sometimes we focus only on the amount of money they can make here as opposed to their home countries, and forget about all the other aspects that make “life” here better.

THINKING about my other brother-in-law Juan Jose, and how he not only blames himself that he wasn't able to pull his brother fast enough as they ran from the killers, but how he is also afraid to leave his own house because he saw their faces and may very well be their next victim and he is also afraid to go to the police because who knows if they will even do anything or only put him in greater danger.

THINKING about how Alber and I sent money to his family so they could pay for the funeral and now we don't have the money to make our mortgage payment on time. (Is it selfish that I'm even thinking this when somewhere in Guatemala my in-laws are buring their son and brother?)

THINKING when was the last time I told my sisters that I love them? We are told all the time that we shouldn't let a moment pass without telling our loved ones that we love them, but how many times do I really do that?

THINKING about the small funeral procession happening far away and how it consisted of the entire family getting on a city bus and riding it for 30 minutes to get to the burial site.

THINKING about how Limhi won't have a fancy burial plot or headstone because his family can't afford it, but does that matter anyway? Do I even want one? What's the point? He's not there right? It's just a body.

THINKING that life really is precious and we truly are in God's hands. Only He knows the reason behind all my questions. Comfort only comes from Him as much as others try to give comfort, peace can only be found with our Heavenly Father and knowing that someday we will see all our loved ones who have passed on (why do we say passed away? what does that even mean?) to the next stage in the Great Plan of which we are all in various stages.

Now how am I supposed to end such a somber look into my mind? I guess I'll take the opportunity to tell all my friends and family that I love them very much. Who knows when I'll have another chance to do so...
With Love,