There was a big regional single adult conference held at the local high school this past weekend.
For old single adults.
Old as defined by the church, 31 years and up.
My honey and I pretended to be single and went.
Ok, not really, but we did sneak into the Hillary Weeks concert.
Total rebels!
Actually, since the high school it was held at was in my stake, they had assignments to help out from pretty much every member of the stake. We were assigned to go Saturday night and help out at the dance.
AKA Chaperone the dance.
Awkward!
I had 3 very strange encounters with some attendees.
#1. I left my honey sitting down and went to check out a schedule to see when the dance would begin. I made the mistake of walking toward an older gentleman who happened to be standing by the schedule. He took that as a hint to talk to me.
Him:"Your hair looks especially pretty all curled up like that"
Me: "Thank you"
Him: "You'd better watch out or you're going to have a lot of people whistling at you."
Me: Ahhhh, stranger danger! "Thank you"
#2. My honey and I took up residence along the wall and observed the dancing. That's what chaperones do right? They observe? So this one lady thought we should do more.
Her: "Why aren't you dancing?"
Me: Cuz I don't want to... "We're chaperones!"
Her: "So, you can still dance."
Me: Cuz we're not single..."I don't know how." (sheepish grin)
Her: "Now that's just sad."
Then she took of to go tear it up on the floor and came back to harass me some more.
Her: You really should go out there. I'm twice your age and I'm dancing. Heck, I've got shoes older than you.
Me: (Really uncomfortable smile)... precisely the reason I don't want to dance with you. "Thank you"
At which point I told my honey we needed to find a new spot to hold the wall up.
#3 While at the new spot along the wall, a different middle aged woman approached us.
Her: "Are you chaperones?"
Me: "Yes" Do you need protection?
Her: "See that red-head over there with the gold belt walking away?"
Me: No "Yes"
Her: "You need to watch out for her, she's scary."
Me: "Ok, thank you."
Despite the strange interactions, I did kind of enjoy myself and I even learned a few things.
Teal mom jeans are best paired with a teal, hand-crochet vest.
No matter how old you are, you know how to electric slide.
Nothing gets middle aged single woman more excited than Beyonce's "All the single ladies"
That guy you knew as a kid who always kind of danced to his own beat... he still does, only now he has a gut so it looks especially interesting.
Dancing to Frank Sinatra is best done by those who were around when his songs were popular.
The divorcee men huddled in corners by the refreshments, the widowers danced with a different girl every song. (You can just tell)
The attractive popular girl still gets asked to dance every song.
You can dance the waltz to whatever song is playing, including salsa.
No matter their age, a single woman still lights up when asked to dance.
For old single adults.
Old as defined by the church, 31 years and up.
My honey and I pretended to be single and went.
Ok, not really, but we did sneak into the Hillary Weeks concert.
Total rebels!
Actually, since the high school it was held at was in my stake, they had assignments to help out from pretty much every member of the stake. We were assigned to go Saturday night and help out at the dance.
AKA Chaperone the dance.
Awkward!
I had 3 very strange encounters with some attendees.
#1. I left my honey sitting down and went to check out a schedule to see when the dance would begin. I made the mistake of walking toward an older gentleman who happened to be standing by the schedule. He took that as a hint to talk to me.
Him:"Your hair looks especially pretty all curled up like that"
Me: "Thank you"
Him: "You'd better watch out or you're going to have a lot of people whistling at you."
Me: Ahhhh, stranger danger! "Thank you"
#2. My honey and I took up residence along the wall and observed the dancing. That's what chaperones do right? They observe? So this one lady thought we should do more.
Her: "Why aren't you dancing?"
Me: Cuz I don't want to... "We're chaperones!"
Her: "So, you can still dance."
Me: Cuz we're not single..."I don't know how." (sheepish grin)
Her: "Now that's just sad."
Then she took of to go tear it up on the floor and came back to harass me some more.
Her: You really should go out there. I'm twice your age and I'm dancing. Heck, I've got shoes older than you.
Me: (Really uncomfortable smile)... precisely the reason I don't want to dance with you. "Thank you"
At which point I told my honey we needed to find a new spot to hold the wall up.
#3 While at the new spot along the wall, a different middle aged woman approached us.
Her: "Are you chaperones?"
Me: "Yes" Do you need protection?
Her: "See that red-head over there with the gold belt walking away?"
Me: No "Yes"
Her: "You need to watch out for her, she's scary."
Me: "Ok, thank you."
Despite the strange interactions, I did kind of enjoy myself and I even learned a few things.
We had such a good time, we're willing to do it again. Does anyone know when the next regional single adult activity is? I saved our name tags!
3 comments:
So that's what I have to look forward to in 3 years, huh?
You are too funny! Tell Alber next time you need a bigger ring, so no one will bother you!
How did I miss two new posts? I wish I could have been there! So funny.
One time Barney and I went to one of those dances (not to chaperone, just 'cause we saw cars in the parking lot and thought it might be a reception with free refreshments). So hilarious. I can attest to all your observations.
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